Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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