WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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