You just made me feel so damn special
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
