Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
