There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
