Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
