We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
