i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
