they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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