The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
