just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
