She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
