He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
