Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
