Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
