Are we in a gay sports bar?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
