marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
