Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
