a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The feeling are messing with the penis
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