Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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