Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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