ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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