He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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