i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
