they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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