You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The Olympian is in my bed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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