oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
