I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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