My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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