i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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