I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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