he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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