You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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