i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
