what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
