Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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