a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
