so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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