I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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