Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
