i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
