Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
