8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
