Apparently you make a good broom.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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