After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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