Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
