Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am one with the molecules
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
