Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
