Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
