just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
