New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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