i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
